Monday, August 23, 2010

Decision 2010 -or- When you Sleep with Dogs You Get Fleas

     As we gear up for the fall elections you can bet the entire nation is focused squarely on the important issues- the economy, jobs & wars in two countries.  What, are you kidding?  We're Americans.  We're squarely focused on mudslinging and muckraking!  Will Sarah Palin attend her daughter's wedding?  Will there even be a wedding?
    Normally, the Bauer household would be caught up in this great debate.  But not now.  Instead, we're going to the dogs.  Trina and I are trying to 'adopt' a Golden Retriever puppy- and it's taking all of our intellectual resources. By adopt, I mean we're trying to talk a breeder into letting us pay an obscene amount of money to take one of their precious pups home with us.  Let me tell you, when it comes to puppy shopping, it's a dog eat dog world.  And I'm starting to feel like the fire hydrant at a turnpike rest stop.
    Here's how the game is played.  
1)  Locate reputable breeder.
2)  Find out if breeder has pregnant dog. If yes, go to step 3.  If not, go back to 1 and start over.
3) Set up date to meet & greet with the pregnant dog.  Bring suitable gifts for mother-to-be (squeaky toys or meat are always good choices)
4)  Make nice with breeder.
5) If breeder doesn't like you see step 1.
6) Ask how much they charge for a puppy.
7) Quietly take a Xanax.
8)  A few weeks later you visit again to meet the newly arrived puppies.

9)  You're bombarded with fur balls- sort of like the Tribble episode in the original Star Trek series!
10) One puppy chews on your pants leg while another works on your ears.  And you always have to keep a sharp eye out for the missing puppy who's about to lift his leg on your shoes. (Just so you know, this is the fun part)
    So we've met our mother-to-be and played with her puppies. (in this litter there are 12 of them!)  But the real work is just beginning.  It's Decision 2010!  Now you have to pick your puppy.  But keep in mind that lots of other dog-loving idiots just like you are also playing the game.  And they all want the same puppy you do- the one that's attractive, super playful, intelligent, and in general the most Lassie-like.  Our breeder is going to have all the prospective puppy parents come back on the same day.  And when it's our turn to pick, we have to hope that our dream puppy is still available.  Otherwise we'll have to move on to Plan B or in this case Puppy B.  So keep your fingers crossed for us!

Coming soon.  Puppy names!
Followed by more Puppy games.  Moccasin Munching, Sofa Shredding & Poop-A-Scooping.  We can't wait!.

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