Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Construction Craze

A few timely thoughts to keep our streets safe.  I know I’ll get in trouble for even thinking this: but perhaps it’s time for congress to enact controls on dangerous weapons.  As you’ve probably guessed, I’m talking about high-powered construction equipment.  Already this week, we’ve seen two terrifying attacks perpetrated by the big guns of the construction world.

In upstate New York, an enraged husband uses a backhoe to maul two dozen cars- causing some $40,000 in damage. The Associated Press says Michael Fagner did this because his wife was having an affair.  I hate to think what he’d do if she, oh, I don’t know, wrecked the car?  (In an ironic twist, those damaged cars were actually supposed to be used in a demolition derby.)

Another domestic dispute case explodes in the Midwest.  Facing foreclosure, an Ohio man blasts his own home back to the Stone Age.  Terry Hoskins allegedly used a bulldozer to knock down his $350,000 house.  Hoskins says he’s spent a fortune on attorney’s fees and he’s had enough.  Apparently he’s had enough of a nice place to stay.

It’s also apparent that we need tougher restrictions on construction equipment- before they crush us all.  Oh sure, the other side will tell you they have a right to own construction equipment- that they NEED those fearsome machines to build homes, schools and hospitals.  Balderdash!   Forget about assault rifles, this is the really dangerous stuff.  I say there should be a waiting period before anyone’s allowed to buy a bulldozer.  You should only be allowed to purchase one 900 horse powered earthmoving machine per month. And considering what’s happened lately, a psychological test might not be a bad idea either.

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Friday, February 5, 2010

A MAN-cesion & The Obama Bailout Plan

I just visited my twitter page and realized I haven't written anything there in months. I know it's hard to believe that the world's masses aren't clamoring for my every thought. Perhaps, I needed to hook-up with more twitterers to make this experience more interesting?
You may be aware that Twitter provides a limited amount of space to contain your message. For each entry, you're given just 140 characters to express yourself and your important thoughts, and that includes commas, colons, and typos. That last sentence would not fit. So, I guess I'll have to leave out Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious. In the 2nd grade I got extra credit on a spelling test because I could spell that correctly.  45-years later I haven't a clue how it's spelled.
Back to the hunt. I wanted to find luminaries who would unquestionably want to share their innermost -140-character-or-less- thoughts with me. But who would have a Twitter account?

Joe Paterno - no
Brian Williams- no
Ann Curry - yes and she says she's stuck in an elevator! Please someone, for the love of God, get her out of there.
Katie Couric - also yes. And she's asking people to send her questions to ask President Obama before the Super Bowl.

While I was looking at Katie Couric's Twitters, I clicked on a link to an actual Katie Couric story and was I in for a shock. The intrepid CBS News Anchor reports there is a MAN-cession. Think about it. A MAN-cession! According to Couric, so many MEN have lost their jobs, there is now a shortage of eligible MEN. By eligible MEN, Katie means MEN who can afford to take WOMEN out to dinner and actually pay for the meal. In other words, more WOMEN are now working while MEN are at home sitting on the couch, watching Oprah, and scattering Cheetos crumbs on the carpet. As a result, Couric says, MEN have the upper hand and that means more MEN are behaving badly.
I'm not sure I see the cause and effect here. I think we MEN should get credit for behaving badly, long before we all got fired. Full disclosure: That guy on the couch watching Oprah, and getting that grimy orange Cheeto residue on almost everything is me.
But I'm not going to sit here and pout. I'm going to do something about the MAN-cession. I'm going to Twitter back to Katie and tell her to ask President Obama when he's going to take action! I sure hope the leader of the free world gets more than 140 characters to respond. But with AIG and Chevrolet as examples, I'm hoping the President will ask Congress for a new 837 Billion dollar bailout plan. For us MEN! With that kind of support, we could pay for our dinner dates and still have enough left to buy some more Cheetos.

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Copyright 2010
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