Sunday, September 13, 2009

On The Road…

Day one breaks damp and dismal. The plan? Get on the road for the adventure of a lifetime!
We spent the previous four weeks preparing for our daring cross-country expedition. At 6:24am it appears sub-critical weather imperatives may force us to scrub the mission… but we soldier on.
Trina goes to work. Really. Trina goes to work leaving Steve to finish packing the SS Bauer- our specially-equipped RV. It’s a 22-foot long Road Running Rocket with a fuel burning monster under the hood. We expect takeoff by 9:00am. But at 9:05 the pre-flight check is still underway. The crew is desperately searching for mission-sensitive materials. But with time running short, no one could find that missing case of Budweiser.
Suddenly, Trina appears and fearlessly orders launch without the required liquid lifeline.
Captain’s log, star(t) date 9/10/09ish
10:17am: The SS Bauer sets forth on her amazing trek quickly approaching lightness speed.
10:18: first red light.
10:23: first bathroom break.
10:50: pit stop at the vets to pick-up meds for Mika the wonder dog.
11:25: stop for antihistamines to treat first mission casualty. Trina stung by yellow jacket. (don’t ask)
11:27: Less than 90 minutes after takeoff we rocket past known science into unknown frontiers- We are now an amazing 11-miles from home base.
1:55: This is where our MiniWinnie shows its stuff. That fuel-burning marvel of modern science first makes it’s refueling stop. Captain (expletive deleted…)
1:58 Captain finally stops expleting over half tank top-off costing $65.77. Curse those alien beings at Exit 3 Fuel Stop.
2;32 Passing apex of no-return. Entering distant galaxy known as the Ohio Turnpike.
7:01 Now off all known charts. Stop to visit Steve’s Uncle Bob. Bob lives in the boyhood home of Paul Siple- noted Arctic explorer. If you spent a couple winters in Northwest Ohio, the Arctic would probably look pretty good.
7:30 Nutritional supplies running short, we attempt emergency landing in Indiana. Forced to stop at Steve’s family’s lake cottage. Situation appears hopeless. But wait… the store is still open. We buy steaks, salad and Bud. First mate Trina informs captain there is no room in cooling capsule for Bud. Captain threatens to mutiny his own ship. Bud now safe. Mika has Porterhouse bone. But danger lurks. The SS Bauer is perilously close to the “E” galaxy.
Tomorrow, the adventures of Indiana Groans…
Mission milage to date: 447

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