Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Construction Craze

A few timely thoughts to keep our streets safe. I know I’ll get in trouble for even thinking this: but perhaps it’s time for congress to enact controls on dangerous weapons. As you’ve probably guessed, I’m talking about high-powered construction equipment. Already this week, we’ve seen two terrifying attacks perpetrated by the big guns of the construction world.

In upstate New York, an enraged husband uses a backhoe to maul two dozen cars- causing some $40,000 in damage. The Associated Press says Michael Fagner did this because his wife was having an affair. I hate to think what he’d do if she, oh, I don’t know, wrecked the car? (In an ironic twist, those damaged cars were actually supposed to be used in a demolition derby.)

Another domestic dispute case explodes in the Midwest. Facing foreclosure, an Ohio man blasts his own home back to the Stone Age. Terry Hoskins allegedly used a bulldozer to knock down his $350,000 house. Hoskins says he’s spent a fortune on attorney’s fees and he’s had enough. Apparently he’s had enough of a nice place to stay.

It’s also apparent that we need tougher restrictions on construction equipment- before they crush us all. Oh sure, the other side will tell you they have a right to own construction equipment- that they NEED those fearsome machines to build homes, schools and hospitals. Balderdash! Forget about assault rifles, this is the really dangerous stuff. I say there should be a waiting period before anyone’s allowed to buy a bulldozer. You should only be allowed to purchase one 900 horse powered earthmoving machine per month. And considering what’s happened lately, a psychological test might not be a bad idea either.

Check out my LinkedIn profile: http://www.linkedin.com/in/stevebauermedia

Friday, February 5, 2010

A MAN-cesion & The Obama Bailout Plan

I just visited my twitter page and realized I haven't written anything there in months. I know it's hard to believe that the world's masses aren't clamoring for my every thought. Perhaps, I needed to hook-up with more twitterers to make this experience more interesting?
You may be aware that Twitter provides a limited amount of space to contain your message. For each entry, you're given just 140 characters to express yourself and your important thoughts, and that includes commas, colons, and typos. That last sentence would not fit. So, I guess I'll have to leave out Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious. In the 2nd grade I got extra credit on a spelling test because I could spell that correctly. 45-years later I haven't a clue how it's spelled.
Back to the hunt. I wanted to find luminaries who would unquestionably want to share their innermost -140-character-or-less- thoughts with me. But who would have a Twitter account?

Joe Paterno - no
Brian Williams- no
Ann Curry - yes and she says she's stuck in an elevator! Please someone, for the love of God, get her out of there.

Katie Couric - also yes. And she's asking people to send her questions to ask President Obama before the Super Bowl.

While I was looking at Katie Couric's Twitters, I clicked on a link to an actual Katie Couric story and was I in for a shock. The intrepid CBS News Anchor reports there is a MAN-cession. Think about it. A MAN-cession! According to Couric, so many MEN have lost their jobs, there is now a shortage of eligible MEN. By eligible MEN, Katie means MEN who can afford to take WOMEN out to dinner and actually pay for the meal. In other words, more WOMEN are now working while MEN are at home sitting on the couch, watching Oprah, and scattering Cheetos crumbs on the carpet. As a result, Couric says, MEN have the upper hand and that means more MEN are behaving badly.

I'm not sure I see the cause and effect here. I think we MEN should get credit for behaving badly, long before we all got fired. Full disclosure: That guy on the couch watching Oprah, and getting that grimy orange Cheeto residue on almost everything is me.

But I'm not going to sit here and pout. I'm going to do something about the MAN-cession. I'm going to Twitter back to Katie and tell her to ask President Obama when he's going to take action! I sure hope the leader of the free world gets more than 140 characters to respond. But with AIG and Chevrolet as examples, I'm hoping the President will ask Congress for a new 837 Billion dollar bailout plan. For us MEN! With that kind of support, we could pay for our dinner dates and still have enough left to buy some more Cheetos.

Check out my LinkedIn profile: http://www.linkedin.com/in/stevebauermedia

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Mika Memories...

She’s gone,

my brown eyed beauty

The blond mistress

who stole my heart

She had me from the first moment

A four legged Chaperone

as I romanced my future wife

Canine kisses and hugs

Her tail a tom tom of emotion

The Bee dance

a Hula of happiness

Wagging her body like a honey-crazed drone

Thumpa thumpa thumpa

Belly Rubs!

Frenzied barking at Trina in her wedding dress

Milk bones

Rawhide

Furry squeaky toys

Sneaking food under the table

Warm Mika hugs

slurpy Mika kisses

Those beautiful brown eyes

Her cosmic smiles

Thumpa thumpa thumpa

Her heart racing

A celebration

Welcome home

my blond girlfriend

Happy warm cuddles

Sitting side-by-side in the yard

Lazing in the sun

Riding in the car

Sharing ice cream sandwiches

Sleeping on an air mattress

to be close to her

Getting up at 3:00 am to check

Thumpa thumpa thumpa

Greeting my nocturnal rounds

More Belly Rubs!

Special treats

Cooking ground beef, chicken and liver.

by the pound

The Liver smells not so good to me

but to her, it was a taste of Nirvana

Tears

We stayed up all night…

Photo albums,

remembering

A perfect puppy

A loyal friend

A constant companion

It went so fast

My Golden Girl

Thursday, November 19, 2009

An Unexpected Ending...

Editors Note: A week after leaving on our Winnebago Adventure, Steve's father unexpectedly died. Obviously, we canceled our trip and rushed home to be with family. It's now two months later and I am just now publishing blogs that were written but never posted. We're still dealing with a number of issues, but I will be writing more in the weeks and months ahead. And thanks to everyone for their condolences and support. Trina and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Day Four: Barreling Down the Mississippi

It sounded like a thousand thunderclaps as we bolted from our bed. We felt the ground heaving as the camper rolled from side to side. An explosion? An earthquake? A flash flood cascading down the Mississippi River?

No. Our campsite is about 60 yards from a very active railroad line. The camp manager forgot to mention that freight trains rumble past about every 10 minutes. And they blow their horns- very loudly. At least the frequency dropped off around 2:30am and we managed to get some sleep.

When we left camp we couldn’t even see the river because it was so foggy. We headed north, the road hugging the shoreline. The sun broke through and it turned into a brilliantly sunny day, with temperatures around 85. I missed my tiny desk back at my old office. Not so much… Fishing and hunting is a big deal in this area. Every restaurant and office features some stuffed dear heads and mounted trophy fish. So we had to stop and have our photo taken, posing with a giant 12-foot long fish. I’m guessing it was a crappy.

We enjoyed the drive- some farms, some panoramic views of the river. It was late afternoon when we crossed into Minnesota. Trina pulled her first shift behind the wheel of the SS Bauer. She’s already a pro at RV Piloting! We drove another 75 miles before pulling into a campground in Sauk Center. It’s on a beautiful lake. (not surprising in the land of 10,000 lakes) But wouldn’t you know it; our campsite is crammed between the maintenance shed and the highway. So we can look forward to a night filled with tractor-trailers rumbling past. At least all the trains have left the station.

Mission Mileage: 1,348

Tomorrow: 7 Lakes down, only 9,993 to go.

Check out my LinkedIn profile: http://www.linkedin.com/in/stevebauermedia

DayThree: The Big Muddy

Day three begins with your intrepid adventurers shrouded in thick fog. But zero visibility won’t sidetrack our daring cross-country sojourn.

We gassed up the SS Bauer, turned west, and hit the gas. Within an hour we crossed the Mighty Mississippi River. And as we celebrated our triumph the sun broke through the misty shroud, as if to say, “fearless road warriors, get a life…”

Now in Iowa, we stopped at the welcome center and asked the woman there to recommend a “scenic drive”. She sent us northward to follow the track of this colossal waterway.

Heading up route 67 we celebrated a new triumph. I gassed up the RV and did NOT lose the gas cap. Once again, we witness amazing sights. Corn. Then soybeans. More corn.

If you like corn and soybeans it’s an amazingly scenic drive. For us, not so much. Around 7:00pm we re-cross the Mississippi, heading into the Wisconsin frontier. We stopped for the night at a campground in Prarie Du Chien. That’s French for “I think a dog did his business here”. Get this, the manager opened the office so that I could watch some of the Ohio State- USC football game. How cool is that? The campground was right on the river. But since it was already getting dark, it didn’t really matter. While I was in the office I saw a bunch of “Tea Party” leaflets on the tables. Apparently, the people here don’t think much of President Obama’s push for health care reform. I especially enjoyed the placard that said, “Are you stupid or just a liberal?” Well, at least they let me watch some football…

I can’t help but notice the billboards along the highway in this area. Quite a few signs carry anti-abortion messages. But then, I saw a bunch of Adult Entertainment ads too. I liked one for Family Massage: Open until 3:00am.

Tomorrow: OMG!! It sounded like a freight train…

Mission Mileage: 1,010

Check out my LinkedIn profile: http://www.linkedin.com/in/stevebauermedia

Monday, September 14, 2009

Land Of The Lost

It's just Day Two of our cross-country trek and already we have a losing record. Today, I lost the gas cap to the SS Bauer. I lost my credit card. I lost my brakes. I lost my sewer service. And I may be losing my sanity.

We began the day at the Bauer Clan’s ancestral home- a secluded cottage in rural Indiana. After a shower and a quick bite we headed for the next town and picked up some supplies at Wal*Mart. (Motto: we run all the competition out of town and sell you crapola from China.) Then we stopped for gas. That’s when I realized that I left the gas cap on the pump back at the Exit 3 Fuel Stop in Pennsylvania. So, we head back to Wal*Mart to buy a new cap. Sigh…

Back on the road, we head west on route 20, passing various corn and soybean fields. It turns out this is a familiar theme across the Midwest- corn and soybeans everywhere. I’m guessing there isn’t much to do in the Hosier state. Apparently, the locals pass the time by conjuring up interesting names for their towns. We pass through Mongo, Plato and Legrange. And don’t get me started on Shipshewanna and Mishawaka.

Some hours later, we pull in at South Bend for a peek at the Notre Dame campus. That’s when we lost the brakes. We ended up at a garage one block from the ND campus. The mechanic tells us he has to rebuild the front brakes- new rotors, new calipers, new pads, the works. So Trina and I took Mika and headed off to see the legendary home of Knute Rockney and the Gipper. It’s actually a very pleasant place with lots of history. We visited the Cathedral, the Grotto, and the football stadium- getting a good look at Touchdown Jesus.

Three hours later the garage invites us back to examine the bill. I won’t say it was sticker shock. And I won’t even tell you how much it cost. Let’s just say it rhymes with a mousand dollars. Undaunted, I pull out my wallet, and yes, the Visa card is gone. We spend 20 minutes searching my pockets, the RV and even the dog. No dice. I have to call up their emergency line and tell the Visa people that I’m an idiot. The best we can figure is that I somehow dropped the plastic while installing the new gas cap…

Back on the road, we motor into Illinois, Land of Lincoln. We stop at a KOA campground in LaSalle. When I tried to hook up to their sewer, I discovered the sewer hose had somehow fallen out of the storage tube on the back of the RV. So I bought a new one. Then I hooked up the water line and the hose ruptured. So I bought a new one. But when I turned on the water, it started shooting out of the faucet in the kitchen. So, we had to use the shower and sinks in the public washroom. Before turning out the lights Trina says “I love you” pausing to add, “you’ve got some bad mojo. Stay away from me!”

So, I slept with the dog.

Mission Mileage to date: 703

Check out my LinkedIn profile: http://www.linkedin.com/in/stevebauermedia